The issue of in-laws is the one that many wives wish did not exist in marriage. The reason being it is the bane of many ailing marriages. Many daughters-in-law tend to dislike their mothers-in-law and very few daughters-in-law have ever had any thing good to state about a mother-in-law. Many spinsters wish that they will not need one once they marry their husbands.
Many mothers-in-law are often viewed as overbearing, busybodies and a wife's greatest rival. The questions to ask are:
'Why are mothers-in-law generally understood by their daughters-in-law?' 'Are mothers-in-law truly bad?'
In several homes across the entire world, especially in African settings, there's usually an unending, raging conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.
You will find two parties to the conflict - the wife and her husband on one hand and the mother-in-law on another hand. To manage to provide understand the factors behind the conflict, it is pertinent to assess the roles played by each party to the conflict.
The wife and her husband
Many wives, especially African wives, enter into marriage, fully prepared for battle based on pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil and must be put within their right places. Thus they have formed an opinion of the in-laws and have figured the in-laws are antagonists. So, if a partner has a form and loving mother-in-law, she would misconstrue everything that the mother-in-law says or does.
A partner may have an illusion that when her husband marries her, he must abandon his parents and cling to her. This illusion is based on a scripture that says that '' A man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife'' ;.By their faulty interpretation with this scripture, they appear to forget that exactly the same scripture commands that 'a man should honor his parents''
A sensible man will not abandon his parents while he married a wife. She must continue to relate using them and to supply for them. However, his relationship using them shouldn't allow unnecessary interference in his affairs, especially marital affairs by his relations.
Unfortunately, in several places especially in Africa, relations do interfere in the marital affairs of a married relation and this attitude is really a product of an African's cultural values particularly the extended family system.
The extended family system of the Africans is really a beautiful and commendable cultural system that enables a part to be his brother's keeper. However, one major defect of this system is really a member's assumed directly to meddle in the marital affairs of another member.
No parent has the proper to meddle in the marital affairs of a son except the son grants them the power to do so. Such powers, when given are often abused and the mother-in-law is the principle culprit. A son who grants rights of interference to his relations is actually without maturity and remains in bondage to his parents i.e. tied for their apron strings. Marriage is for adults and real men. Real men aren't just men by physique as some men really are. Maturity is the ability to take full responsibility for one's actions and to face one's challenges
There's an environment of difference between a wholesome respect for one's parents and servitude to them. Many men don't seem to know this difference. A son who allows undue interference in his marital affairs is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests and resents such interference. In this wise, the son/husband has become a part of the problem.
Some men are emotionally attached for their parents especially their mothers and here is the loop that the mother-in-law takes advantage of to trouble her daughter-in-law. Motorcycle accidents
The mother-in-law
A mother-in-law desires to be loved and accepted by her son. She desires to be remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. The Mother-Son relationship is one of the very most intimate but non-sexual relationships.
Mothers are often very passionate about their sons. Some mothers who may experienced rough and difficult marriages within their time with probably impossible husbands usually take solace within their children to comfort them and take care of them. They may have suffered a whole lot and had borne numerous indignities to coach and talk about their children. They'd see their children as their little husbands.
Suddenly, a woman appears on the scene to eliminate her son's attention from her. She feels oppressed and becomes heartbroken. The mother fails to understand that when her son gets married, she now belongs to the backseat while her daughter-in-law takes leading seat in her son's life. The mother still desires to really have the full attention of her son which her daughter-in-law will see as rivalry and competition.
Which means conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a struggle for the attention and control of the son/husband.
Some mothers-in-law are unnecessarily difficult and can't be pleased or satisfied with a daughter-in-law. Sometimes it is out of envy especially if the mother-in-law had a rough and unhappy marriage and her daughter-in-law now has a happy and cordial relationship.
Some mothers-in-law have good intentions, genuinely enthusiastic about the welfare of the son which the daughter-in-law may misconstrue to mean poke nosing.
